This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
