I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
