Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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