woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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