You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Mom said you looked used
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
