I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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