It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
