this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
