I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
