I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
