First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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