I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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