Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
