I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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