So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
