her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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