I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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