at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
NoShamevember. You game?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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