Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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