I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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