I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
