The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
