Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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