I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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