We're like a lot better than the average bears
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
