Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
