All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
