I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
