Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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