Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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