If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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