Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
