people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
