i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
