a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
