Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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