Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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