Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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