All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
