Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
