do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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