It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
