I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
