mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
