***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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