you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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