We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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