he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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