i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
