you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize