I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
