Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
