What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
