I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
