We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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