He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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