Someone shit on the floor
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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