Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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