well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
