A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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