I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
