So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
