ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
