my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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