do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
