I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
