Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
