i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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