the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
