I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
