She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
