i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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