that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
