meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
