the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
