you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
