walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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