I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
