i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
