That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
