I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
