after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
