guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
