We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
