I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
