I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
