does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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