"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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