Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
