So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize