Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
