I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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