Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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