I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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