he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
