All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
