I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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