I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
