in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
