Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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