My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize