For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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