party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
