i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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