Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
