I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
