I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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