I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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