guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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