You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
