i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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